Monday, May 16, 2005
I started out my weekend with good intentions: to study, to study, and then to study some more... but due to unforseen circumstances, I choose instead to sit at the library in American club, leaving the last 2/3s of my notes unattended, and read... damn...
I really don't know what's gotten into me... is it the pressure of needing to score at least a B for all my tests that's working in reverse psychology? or is it the fact that... well... never mind... I shall not dwell on that... rather, I CAN'T dwell on that... ah.... to have a heart as cold as ice... to not to be able to feel anything... maybe I won't get so distracted... and maybe I won't be the pushover my mother always says I am...
Life, with its ups and downs, never fails to bewilder me... I don't know what I should be doing now, or ever at all... and I just feel... well, that I shouldn't be here... and that I should be somewhere else...
Or maybe its a silly guilible mind that always thinks that life isn't all that its cut out to be... and so I wait... maybe forever... for a fairytale to come true which never won't... and so as I wait, my conciousness slips away from what my life truly is... and then my whole being will just... disintegrate... one day...
I really don't know what's gotten into me... is it the pressure of needing to score at least a B for all my tests that's working in reverse psychology? or is it the fact that... well... never mind... I shall not dwell on that... rather, I CAN'T dwell on that... ah.... to have a heart as cold as ice... to not to be able to feel anything... maybe I won't get so distracted... and maybe I won't be the pushover my mother always says I am...
Life, with its ups and downs, never fails to bewilder me... I don't know what I should be doing now, or ever at all... and I just feel... well, that I shouldn't be here... and that I should be somewhere else...
Or maybe its a silly guilible mind that always thinks that life isn't all that its cut out to be... and so I wait... maybe forever... for a fairytale to come true which never won't... and so as I wait, my conciousness slips away from what my life truly is... and then my whole being will just... disintegrate... one day...
Saturday, May 07, 2005
Went for debate today... quite fun cos I got to play bridge and make earrings... those are my favouritest hobbies - for now... with my fickle mind and soul, I might very well be changing to a different one soon... :P
Sadly, another of our number has left us... and has crossed the road to walk a different path from ours... when I first heard the news, I felt shock, disbelief and betrayal... shock cos I thought he cared only about grades and that he didn't really care about prospects, disbelief that he would actually leave, and betrayal cos he really really did... it just sucks... the way people shift from place to place... ah well... what can omne do? but be swept along with the tides of life... ok... starting to ramble
I should seriously change my blog title to something like 'the ramblings of the deranged one' or something like that... my ability to crap in debate has spread to other areas in life... and that is sad... ah well... who cares? only me... cos the 1st 1/3 of life, you worry about what others think of you... the next 1/3 of your life, you tell yourself you don't care about others think of you... and in the last 1/3, you find that no one thinks about you... and since I now think that no one thinks of me, (followin mr. tan's philo. notes on premises and conclusions and induction and deduction) I am now embarking on the last 1/3 of life... which, by my claculations, means that I am going to die when I'm 23 years and one month old... hahaha.. told you my brain circuits are fried...
Sadly, another of our number has left us... and has crossed the road to walk a different path from ours... when I first heard the news, I felt shock, disbelief and betrayal... shock cos I thought he cared only about grades and that he didn't really care about prospects, disbelief that he would actually leave, and betrayal cos he really really did... it just sucks... the way people shift from place to place... ah well... what can omne do? but be swept along with the tides of life... ok... starting to ramble
I should seriously change my blog title to something like 'the ramblings of the deranged one' or something like that... my ability to crap in debate has spread to other areas in life... and that is sad... ah well... who cares? only me... cos the 1st 1/3 of life, you worry about what others think of you... the next 1/3 of your life, you tell yourself you don't care about others think of you... and in the last 1/3, you find that no one thinks about you... and since I now think that no one thinks of me, (followin mr. tan's philo. notes on premises and conclusions and induction and deduction) I am now embarking on the last 1/3 of life... which, by my claculations, means that I am going to die when I'm 23 years and one month old... hahaha.. told you my brain circuits are fried...
