Monday, July 12, 2004
I have done a review of the last 2-3 weeks of my life and I have found that it's gone downhill, for a number of reasons:
1. Church ministry: Performing arts
this sucks big time... I want to dance, and if I can do it for God, even better. Thing is, my mum won't let me, because she thinks my work is going to suffer. She thinks I can't say no and refuse to participate in a performance if its required of me to do so... so she won't let me try... and when I told her I was going to give it a 6 month trial period first, she blew up... sucks big time, and she won't even trust me to make my own descisions.
2. Alex is still on my mind... basically shitty and all that cos I can't seem to focus right now... and everytime I lose my focus it always drifts back to him... break up sucks, and it huarts even more when I realise that it was in the works for a long time... it's probably a good thing that I'm not seeing him around in school these past few days... up till now I have no idea how to talk to him, or how to treat him... and I can't be friends with him, not yet anyways...
3. Enrichment week was basically the thing that created the worst feeling of the lot... brought the rest of it into culmination. Came to school, spent 3 hours in the hall doing some crappy thing on leadership and then only to be told that German would proceed as usual, meaning that around 4 of us would have to skip rollerblading class... so I spent 1 1/2 hours after maths runnoing round the whole IP level and Frau Schraudolf's office trying to find a compromise... when I finally got it, and was ready to blade, it started raining, with thunder and lightning thrown in. So no blading, watched the core instead (which had a really crappy ending) which made the whole day more tiring than ever.
Just so tired now... There's lots more I'm trying to figure out in my life... everything seems to have been upended in one whole moment. Just wish I could go to my room, and make the rest of the world and my troubles disappear... Interesting thing was, I told my mum that I was just depressed, and she told me that this man Kumar (a guy who goes to KKMC) passed away due to an accident... so she told me to put things in perspective... I could have died... funny sort of consolation... one that sucks...even if its true...
1. Church ministry: Performing arts
this sucks big time... I want to dance, and if I can do it for God, even better. Thing is, my mum won't let me, because she thinks my work is going to suffer. She thinks I can't say no and refuse to participate in a performance if its required of me to do so... so she won't let me try... and when I told her I was going to give it a 6 month trial period first, she blew up... sucks big time, and she won't even trust me to make my own descisions.
2. Alex is still on my mind... basically shitty and all that cos I can't seem to focus right now... and everytime I lose my focus it always drifts back to him... break up sucks, and it huarts even more when I realise that it was in the works for a long time... it's probably a good thing that I'm not seeing him around in school these past few days... up till now I have no idea how to talk to him, or how to treat him... and I can't be friends with him, not yet anyways...
3. Enrichment week was basically the thing that created the worst feeling of the lot... brought the rest of it into culmination. Came to school, spent 3 hours in the hall doing some crappy thing on leadership and then only to be told that German would proceed as usual, meaning that around 4 of us would have to skip rollerblading class... so I spent 1 1/2 hours after maths runnoing round the whole IP level and Frau Schraudolf's office trying to find a compromise... when I finally got it, and was ready to blade, it started raining, with thunder and lightning thrown in. So no blading, watched the core instead (which had a really crappy ending) which made the whole day more tiring than ever.
Just so tired now... There's lots more I'm trying to figure out in my life... everything seems to have been upended in one whole moment. Just wish I could go to my room, and make the rest of the world and my troubles disappear... Interesting thing was, I told my mum that I was just depressed, and she told me that this man Kumar (a guy who goes to KKMC) passed away due to an accident... so she told me to put things in perspective... I could have died... funny sort of consolation... one that sucks...even if its true...
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