My Weird And Wonderful  Blog

The reason I haven't blogged for so long is that I've been confused... my thoughts are scattered... and I'm picking them up one by one... and can't seem to connect them in any way... there's this wierd big empty void in me that just seems to be there... it doesn't hurt or anything... it's just there... and I feel this weird apathy towards every thing... I can't seem to feel happy... it's just tiring... and everything seems so distant and far away... I can't seem to connect to the real world about anything... and I realised it today when I went back to school for the GAT briefing... talked to Dot and Karen and Weiling and Tammy... and somehow... I felt as though I was putting on some kind of wierd facade, acting like myself when all I wanted was to go home and curl up on my bed and just stone.... a few days back, I was running along the canal near my home... then as I was crossing the bridge to get to the other side, I looked down and saw a stream of water running sluggishly along... and I realised how easy it was to just die there... just bend a bit more over the side and just fall... a broken neck later and you go to hell... interesting proposition... it sounds freaky, but yeah...
I'm just sad... downright depressed... one of the DTS people who were with me in camp told me she had a vision of me being this tree, this seedling in a desert and there would be stresms of life that was God's word that I would grow from... if that's the case I think I'm withered... dead and gone... and I don't even know what kind of life I'm leading now... what my purpose in life is... whether my faith in God is withering...
Hasn't exactly helped that I can't seem to get any of my friends to talk to... haven't talked to Annabel for ages... Delia is rushing a whole ton of last minute homework... and Alex isn't picking up his phone when I call... life sucks for now... just hope I'll be able to get through this...