Monday, April 19, 2004
Jokes and Insults
Since I am pretty down and out and tired right now, I shall try and attempt to cheer everyone one out of their Monday blues by the following jokes and insults:
Jokes:
1. George Bush was having trouble with Iraq. Being a Christian, he decided to call for divine assistence. He asked God, "God, I'm having some trouble here. I'd like to call upon one of the biblicle people for advice."
God said, "Alright, fine. Who do you want to ask for help?"
Bush said, "Since my problem is based in the middle East, I'd like to call upon Moses."
God went away to get Moses. After some time, he came back. "Moses doesn't want to talk to you," he said. "Why?" asked Bush. "Because the last time he talked to a bush, he was lost in the desert for forty years."
2. There's this new liberal church in town. It promotes the bible that contains 6 commandments and 4 suggestions.
3. A reporter went to interview this man who'd been going to the Wailing Wall twice a day for 50 years. He asked the man "What do you pray for?" "I pray for peace between all nations and religions, especially between the Jews and the Arabs." The old man replied. "So how do you feel about it?" "Like I'm talking to a wall."
4. One day God appeared to a man. He said, "Since you've been such a wonderful person, I've decided grant you anything you want." the man thought for a while and said, "Well, the thing I want the most is to be able make women happy and give them what they want. Do you think you could grant me that?" God answered, "I can, but the results might not be what you want." The man replied, "It doesn't matter. Just get on with it." Then he turned into a box of chocolates.
*just realised my jokes are all religion-based. Ah well, God made us in his image, so he must have a sense of humour :P "
Insults:
1. I'd like to make a formal complaint against you, but I hate standing in line.
2. I'd like to break you into 2, but who would want 2 of you?
3. Better hide, here comes the garbage truck
4. Your ideas are like diamonds, very rare
5. The next time you wash your neck, wring it
6. If ignorance were bliss, you'd be the happiest person on earth
there's more insults that I know of, but I'll keep them and use them when apropriate. Adding all of them onto here would just spoil the fun :D
BTW, Annabel, get well soon. Then you can come to school and suffer with all of us. :P:P:P
Jokes:
1. George Bush was having trouble with Iraq. Being a Christian, he decided to call for divine assistence. He asked God, "God, I'm having some trouble here. I'd like to call upon one of the biblicle people for advice."
God said, "Alright, fine. Who do you want to ask for help?"
Bush said, "Since my problem is based in the middle East, I'd like to call upon Moses."
God went away to get Moses. After some time, he came back. "Moses doesn't want to talk to you," he said. "Why?" asked Bush. "Because the last time he talked to a bush, he was lost in the desert for forty years."
2. There's this new liberal church in town. It promotes the bible that contains 6 commandments and 4 suggestions.
3. A reporter went to interview this man who'd been going to the Wailing Wall twice a day for 50 years. He asked the man "What do you pray for?" "I pray for peace between all nations and religions, especially between the Jews and the Arabs." The old man replied. "So how do you feel about it?" "Like I'm talking to a wall."
4. One day God appeared to a man. He said, "Since you've been such a wonderful person, I've decided grant you anything you want." the man thought for a while and said, "Well, the thing I want the most is to be able make women happy and give them what they want. Do you think you could grant me that?" God answered, "I can, but the results might not be what you want." The man replied, "It doesn't matter. Just get on with it." Then he turned into a box of chocolates.
*just realised my jokes are all religion-based. Ah well, God made us in his image, so he must have a sense of humour :P "
Insults:
1. I'd like to make a formal complaint against you, but I hate standing in line.
2. I'd like to break you into 2, but who would want 2 of you?
3. Better hide, here comes the garbage truck
4. Your ideas are like diamonds, very rare
5. The next time you wash your neck, wring it
6. If ignorance were bliss, you'd be the happiest person on earth
there's more insults that I know of, but I'll keep them and use them when apropriate. Adding all of them onto here would just spoil the fun :D
BTW, Annabel, get well soon. Then you can come to school and suffer with all of us. :P:P:P
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