Wednesday, April 07, 2004
Depression sets in....
Today was one of the worse days in my life ever since I entered NJC. First big calamity: i got 24/50 for my Humans test. Lots of people will say I'm crazy, but yeah... I'm expected to get an A or a B+ at the very least for my GPA for every module... and now I realised that my GPA for humans is a B... and I got 29.5/50 for Light to life. Haha... calamity no. 2... I was supposed to get higher than that... I'm pissed off with myself right now cos I was studying for those bloody tests... and I expected better of myself...
Next thing was debate... I have this strong feeling that I'm one of the worst debators in IP. Wei Ge and Liang En and Annabel are good, needless to say... Mei San does come up with 'sparks of brilliance', as Alex puts it... and she IS good... next to them, I'm like this tiny insignificant little ant... and today, I have also realised that I haven't conquered my fear of speaking... and that sucks big time... Everytime I go up, I freak out, and I lose my train of thought. And nothing makes sense... once again, I expected to do better than that... just goes to show... ah well... I guess all I need is practice... hopefully I'll improve...
I am very very pessimistic today... and depressed... I really think I get depressed or nervous over every single damn thing, but that's me... if this goes on, I shall emerge from 4 years in the IP as a nervous wreck... that probably explains why I act crazy or weird... cos I need to rid myself of stress... and I'm starting to wonder how I'll face my IP4 year... anyway, I won't cross bridges until I reach them.
God give me the strength I need
Surround me with your love I pray.
For what I face in my own world
I find more overwhelming everyday.
Next thing was debate... I have this strong feeling that I'm one of the worst debators in IP. Wei Ge and Liang En and Annabel are good, needless to say... Mei San does come up with 'sparks of brilliance', as Alex puts it... and she IS good... next to them, I'm like this tiny insignificant little ant... and today, I have also realised that I haven't conquered my fear of speaking... and that sucks big time... Everytime I go up, I freak out, and I lose my train of thought. And nothing makes sense... once again, I expected to do better than that... just goes to show... ah well... I guess all I need is practice... hopefully I'll improve...
I am very very pessimistic today... and depressed... I really think I get depressed or nervous over every single damn thing, but that's me... if this goes on, I shall emerge from 4 years in the IP as a nervous wreck... that probably explains why I act crazy or weird... cos I need to rid myself of stress... and I'm starting to wonder how I'll face my IP4 year... anyway, I won't cross bridges until I reach them.
God give me the strength I need
Surround me with your love I pray.
For what I face in my own world
I find more overwhelming everyday.
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